Is there More?

Yesterday i had a melt down; sort of  i was depressed. I thought to myself, surely life has got more to offer than me just waking up early in the morning, prepare to go to work, reach my workplace, check my personal mail and facebook, start work, finish work and either head home or to the gym. When i do get home am so tired all i want to do is eat and sleep. And that is that. That is the end of my day and when i wake up, its morning again and i start all over again. Do not forget that am a child of God but surely, am still human. Which led me to really think about my life.. And so i was really at a place where i wanted answers and i got a few from friends urging me to do new hobbies, appreciate that which i have, my man particularly told me to wait till our break then i would find out(he's even counted the days till our break ends, he cracks me up :-)). But i thought to myself, all these i can do and not still be happy, satisfied, fulfilled. As humans, we always look for the next best thing:next best new car, new girl/boy in the hood, Tv series/program, movie, job, experience. But after all is said and done, and the new becomes the old, what happens to us? Are we satisfied? Or the search still continues?

As a christian, this made me really think of my relationship with my maker. Do i really understand His plan for my life? Do i have that intimate relationship with Him that am able to know when He is talking and speaking to me? To know when, where, how i should lead my life? To know who and why certain people are in my life? Its a tough situation to be in, trust me, am there and am trying to get past it. But am grateful that indeed i will get past it. That i will not lose my main focus and goal in life. That i will not forget how i ended up here. Its by His grace that i am where i am. I may feel like i deserve MUCH more than i have now, but His word is still true in my life and it will come to pass. What do i need to do, just be patient and wait for Him to fulfill everything in my life because He does indeed make everything beautiful in His time. How great a God do i serve? He is loving and caring; even if i feel that life is unfair or inadequate, He still assures me that He got this. :-)
And so, my question to myself is answered just by retrospecting and i dare say, there is much more to this life, there is God and how i love Him!!! Forever!!!

Missing You

I miss you sooooooo muuuuuuchhhh sweety!

I miss the man who calls me beautiful and indeed makes me feel just that:beautiful
I miss the sweet man who truly adores me and makes me feel like the prettiest woman on earth!
I miss the man who checks up on me and sends me the sweetest texts and emails,
I miss the man who prays for me,encourages me and speaks over my life,

I miss the man whose eyes declare it all,declare that he wants to be with me,
I miss the man whose tender,soft touch is mine to crave for,
I miss the man who hugs me so tightly and sweetly that I don't want to let go.
I miss the man who showers this here lady with gifts that are not only sweet but well thought of!
I miss the man who says he thinks of me often and smiles when he sees me,
I truly miss you soooo much Joab Washington Ochieng with all that I have and all that is in me!
Can't wait for the day that the break will be over and that I can finally be your lady! Mwaaaah my handsome!!!!



Yours,
Your Beautiful

Letter to My Man

I have been lately inspired to read devotionals involving marriage and marriage life, particularly the Unveiled Wife.. Its a really good read with snippets of things to do and not to do when you are the wife.. I have personally purposed to adhere to the advice when my turn comes to be a girlfriend, fiancee and eventually wife to someone or should i say to my man.
And so i viewed the blog and i particularly loved a section where ladies were writing letters to their husbands. It is often said that we rarely appreciate those around enough yet they shape our lives more than we could know. This here has inspired me to write to my future man who i will eventually spend the rest of my life loving. :-)

To my love:

Its often said that relationships break because of the things that go unsaid.. Today, i take that challenge and share with you what is in my heart when i think of you...

I love you very much.. I love you for who you are and describing you is like a favourite story that i love to tell.Its in your devotion to God and being sold out to Him that i draw my inspiration to be more like you everyday,and i truly follow you as you follow Jesus.

Baby, its in the way you smile so brightly when you see me that welcomes me and assures me that my man is here and he will take all the pain away.

God's design and final product of you is a gift to me, i love how he chiseled your shoulders, sculptured your handsome face and drew a smile on that lovely face that i love to stare at....You are my dream come true, you treat me so gently, so lovingly and i cant wait to be yours forever in holy Matrimony..

Darling, this is not even half of how much you mean to me.. I know the future is sooo bright for us and love, care, kindness is all part of what we will experience in our relationship.
I love that you are hardworking exemplified by your devotion to the gym (which produces that sexy body that  i love to admire) and i know that when you do get a job, you'll be an exemplary man/employer.

Darling, you are all that i want and need in my life. Your love is a gift to me from God and i promise to love you unconditionally and make you feel like the only man in the world.

My love, my body, my heart, my soul is yours for the taking, now and forever more.

I love you and cherish you and our love.

Yours,
Your lovingly girlfriend, fiancee and wife. :-)

Like Crazy

So i have been sharing my life especially my non existent soon to be exisent love life. I hereby declare that i think i found my man. Yes, ironically enough, this blog is entitled "Finding the man" yet now i think i found him.
Why do i say this, i say this because as my other posts have provided a background, i met this guy in church and we've serving together in the youth ministry. Read my post: Is there a one? or click on
http://lnjuma.blogspot.com/ for the whole story.

Anyway, am sure now you are up to date with the whole story. I will share how i know he is the one is my next post. :-)
A few weeks ago, this man that makes me smile, confessed his feelings to me... It was yeah not moment. It was yeah because i know he'd been feeling that he was too constrained to truly share his feelings but not because am not ready to hear such words from anybody new unless those i exchange such words with.. It was honestly scary and sent my mind and heart racing for all the wrong/right resons. Yes it is true i want to hear the man say this but i can not handle that now. Am healing from a past relationship and engaging this man now would not only be wrong but unfair to both he and i considering we will be in the relationship together.
And so we took a break from each other: no phone calls, texts, emails, chats, hugs, no nothing other than the casual hi and bye when we meet every Sunday... And its been the hardest thing ever...

Its been almost 2 weeks since the break and to be honest I miss my man like crazy! I always delighted in knowing that he was near to me but now there is nothing! Am complaining yet am the one who set the rules! He is sooo handsome! Damn! Thank you God for making my man that hot! I call him my man because I now know that he is mine and for life I believe! He is the one I want to call my own,to call whenever and anytime ,to receive nothing but sweet texts,emails,letters from,the one I want to call baby and all other sweet names,the one whose heart he has given to me to take care of it! I really do adore this man with all that i am.

I extended the break meaning i will be off him until next year!! This sends loneliness shivers all over my skin but i know it was the best!!

I think of him every single day!! He is like the second thought registered in my mind after my God. I think of how sweet he is, how amazing our future together will be, how much i miss and will miss him for the time we will be apart!!

It was sooo sweet yet disheartening seeing him crushed when i told him how long our break would be. But i like the fact that he took it positively and he is willing to support me in all this. Just goes to show how sweet and amazing he is. I really like him and as much as i would love to be with him for the next coming months, i would rather wait and enjoy the rest of my life with him, furthermore how does 4 months compare to a whole lifetime? How i pray God will grant us our desires.

However, I will not be totally apart from him, I got Sundays to see him: for me to put a face to the man that he is , to see the biggest smile on that handsome face of his, to see how sexy and good looking he still is and see how devoted and sold out to God He really is. Once in a while when we will be visiting our Pastors, i will get the chance to hear his wise words and his hearty laugh, this will be music to my ears!!


I miss him but i cant wait for this period to be over, then fireworks, love, friendship and companionship will be our portion.
Amen to this prayer...... :-)

Left Behind???

I think am a sucker for weddings and mostly especially love!! I have been told i love deeply, (one friend said my heart is at my sleeves),It is both a good and a bad thing but i will take it more for the good part!!
Not the point of the story. I admire people especially Christians who have walked the purity walk in their relationships. In this day and age, purity or talk on virgins and saints is unheard of and if talked about, one is ridiculed for being a saint/virgin! Why is that? I think quite honestly our society is perverse and things right, pure, noble are seen as backward or ancient.

Yet the Bible says

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Back to the Christian pure walk, i have seen couple friends back in University walking the true Christian walk and still have relationships that i believe are headed for marriage. Two of those people are bound to get marry early next month. Seeing the beautiful photos of them together is beautiful, them having graduated together and in a few days will be man and wife, its simply but God's doing. And in the deepest of my heart can't help but be envious if not jealous of them. That they get to spend the rest of their lives together with the one they love. But i take heart in the word of God that encourages me that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and that all unfolds in the beauty of its time.  Its true that everything happens at its time. We may admire people but we do not know the struggle, the joy, the pain that has caused them and even catapulted them to reaching that height. So, next time i feel or you feel that one is way ahead of you, delight in your maker and know that all will work out and will be unfolded beautifully at its time.

Right now, am praying for favour, success, wisdom, health, wealth and love for the the two who will tie the knot at the beginning of next month. My prayer to them is that they may continue honouring God in all that they do.

As for simple me, i only pray that when my time is nigh, that i will serve as an example that it is possible to walk right, it is possible to have a relationship with a man, a godly man and still be pure and a virgin for that matter and mostly importantly that when you honour God, He will favour you and make all paths straight!!

Is there a One?

Movies, soap operas, songs, novels all propagate the notion that is one person for one other person. Is this true? If you ask married people, some say yes because they do not think any other person would fit them, love, care, know, bear/cope with them like their spouse does.. Others say, no, its all hogwash, any sane man can live with any sane woman?

What do i think? Well, am inclined to say yes there is the one meant for you but i will say God grants you your heart's desire. We all have a list of the qualities we want our special person to have, to share mine: i want a man who is hardworking, taller than me (am short but i love my height), handsome of course, one who is born again and spiritually higher or at par with me ( this is major especially since am born again), loving, caring and a man who can make me laugh! That's my list, don't know yours? Some may say having a list is ideological and impossible since some of the demands made in our so called lists are too high a standard to be met by the average man. But where is your faith? The Bible says

Matthew 7:9-11

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

So if you want a man who is all that and more, won't your Father in heaven give it to you? But wait, what if you have twisted requests such as a married man, will God give that to you? Nooo way!! Your desires should always be in line with His will. There is truly no two way with that. So, yes, you may find the one, but is He of God??

Am in the same boat.. Yeah, the girl is about to spill them beans:

I met him during a church service, my Pastor and my friend asked me to a do, a sort of the Jeff Koinange bench thing with this guy who had a total lifestyle change and was now body building and not fat as he was teased during his childhood. The man i have to admit is veeeeery fine, he is quite the handsome one with his body all chiseled out and muscled up, this man is a really nice piece of God's art. :-) I would blush occasionally during the interview but only to my knowledge( girls can hide these things you know) . He was very calm, and maintained during the interview, didn't really take any of my jokes on the bench quite well by laughing out loud, only a polite smile and moved on to answering the question. And so it was a wrap, the service was over and so was the interview. Being that we go to the same church, i was bound to meet him again and again . And that is exactly what happened. I was not quite the fan of him after our interview, i felt he was too quiet and almost boring to me since he didn't talk to me as enthusiastically as other people did ( I warm up to people, i expect the same from them :-) ) And so that was life, a normal hi never hurt anyone did it? Worse still we were in leadership together which meant we would sit in long meeting but still nothing.

However, in one of those meetings emerged our interaction point: a seminar to Migori was due and we just HAD to send representatives from our church. I was quite unsure since at the time i was expecting a call from a prospective employer hence my hesitation to commit fully to the trip. He together with my brother and other leaders were politely coerced to go on the trip. He particularly said he had to confirm and after a phone call, he did confirm his availability for it. At this point there was a sly smile on my face (don't ask me why) and that was that.

 

Several miles away from Nairobi, in Migori, we arrived and the place was well very substandard to be quite honest, horrific is more like it. It was high school reincarnated but the worst scenario ever. The dorms were bad, the beds metal like and squeaky each time you moved, the mattress thin as a slice of bread, the food horrific, ( one of the nights, we had to buy fish from the town and boy it was amazing). Fast forward to that evening, we were walking to the town while catching up with the guyz, i happened to catch up with him and we got talking and talking. I was quite surprised at the whole gesture, i thought he didn't talk, wasn't friendly, shock on me was that he did all these and was quite interesting to be honest. Also very knowledgeable and wise on topics related to God, i was utterly impressed. On our way back to Nairobi, we happened to sit next to each other and we reallllly talked, it was more of getting to know the person behind the name so we did 21 questions. We found out we secretly admired each other and never told a soul...

 

Arrival in Nairobi was awesome but sad at the moment we landed, i didn't want that blissful moment in the bus to end, but reality had come rudely knocking and sadly i gave in or rather i had no choice. It was raining that day and so after boarding a matatu home and arriving safely, i the pretty sweet girl texted everyone including him abnd others we had closely interacted with during the trip and said all the niceties that i could say. He responded and to be quite honest, that became a habit... Wana know what happened next.. like this and find out in the next edition.......

My Maiden Post

I have never written a blog and so this is the first one, am inclined to write it because many of my friends have but most of all, i have a reason to, inspiration. But let it be known, its not all about that only, in fact many of my posts may not be of a particular topic but of the one who owns my life, My God: my love, my King, My Father, my Saviour, the one i owe my life to. He has taken me from far and i adore Him for that.

And so i dedicate this first post to my God, we can always talk about the other things later, right? :-) My background is that of Christian background, my dad is a preacher and my mum a loyal, devoted Christian, quite conservative i might add but i love her all the same. Story is i got saved when i was only 9 years, i told my mummy that i wanted to go to heaven or something of that sort, and there i said the Sinner's Prayer, in the innocence of a child.

Mum and daughter praying: Courtesy of Alabster Woman Blog

And so i became a child of God at that age. Maybe i knew what i did that day following my polite character even when going to church, school and all other places. Clubs, pubs, pornographic music, indecent clothing all were the devil incarnated, i still believe so though am now more open minded now. But the saved child act didn't last, i slowly became engrossed in music, secular music. Music still gets to me i should confess, i love music, dancing and watching it just fascinates me. And so catchy beats to songs captured my mind and made my body move to the beat and slowly by slowly i was leaving the faith, albeit young, i knew it was wrong. In high school, i could listen to music before our movie nights but would never watch the movies, why? I still maintained that they were a secular thing. But i was being hypocritical, what difference did it make if i only listened to music and didn't see the movies? Wasn't it still sin??? Yes, it was but at the time i thought i was playing safe and still claim the title christian. How wrong i was! It was not until i finished high school and went to an ex-candidate program in KAG Buruburu that had me re dedicated my life to my Saviour. It was the greatest decision, made with honesty, repentance and knowledge that i had decided to set my life apart to my God and Him alone. Am not saying i wasn't honest when a child, i just think i wasn't aware of the seriousness of my decision to follow Christ and Him alone!!

Today, i love the decision i made some 6 years ago and its the best decision i have ever made!! Being my first blog, i urge if you don't know Him, why don't you make a step of Faith and know Him for yourself? Yes, you need to know Him for yourself and experience Him for you and you alone. Only then can you make a decision if you'll continue living your life with Him inside you or let Him go and live your life wondering what is missing??